Spanking is a common activity in many scenes because it is easy to do and can be modified to fit any situation. The range of items used for spanking includes belts, riding crops, paddles, and the good old palm of your hand. There are also a variety of whips and floggers available, but let’s start with the basics.
- Familiarize yourself with the type of sound, force, weight, feel and level of pain a given implement can inflict before you begin a scene.
- Dry skin may break more easily. Bare skin should be is oiled before beginning spanking, whipping, or flogging, and should be keep moist during the scene. Moisturizing the skin afterwards is equally important.
- If skin breaks during the scene, stop and take proper steps to clean and dress the wound.
- The areas of the body best suited for hitting are the buttocks, calves, thighs, backs of the arm, and upper back; the head, face, neck and throat, heart area, kidneys, lymph nodes, and non-fleshy parts of joints should not be spanked or hit. A fleshy gut is okay, although heavy beating may bruise internal organs.
- If you are interested in flogging become familiar with the basic construction of the instrument, and learn the difference in pleasure and pain based on the materials used for specific floggers.
- Apply oil to the skin only if both sides of your flogger is tanned, if not, apply lotion.
- Beginners should start the flogging scene with slow and soft motions and slowly build on the intensity. This is also true if you are working on someone with little experience being flogged.
- If skin is broken to the point of bleeding and blood has made contact with the flogger, do not use the flogger on another person until it has been properly cleaned and disinfected.
- Learn the best methods for cleaning and disinfecting your instruments.
Just like you must take care of your gear, you must take care of your partner(s), and aftercare is the key. Nothing beats a good rubdown after a serious spanking or flogging 🙂
For more about overall discipline, check out this book by Jay Wiseman – SM 101
Dildos, butt plugs, vibrators, ben-wah balls, anal beads…to a few of you that may sound like a kinky wish list, but most of us have probably incorporated a toy in at least one sexual experience. Dildo play can also add another dimension when playing with others.
If you are a bottom, it is best to bring your own toys to a scene and make sure they are not used to penetrate others.
If you are playing in a scene where there may be other’s toys, mark toys so they don’t get confused.
If you share toys, treat them just like a dick. Use condoms and appropriate lubricants when using toys to penetrate different partners, and change condoms each time you change holes.
Toys should be cleaned after (and preferably) before use. Unclean toys can transmit HIV, as well as other sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Soap and warm water is a must for cleaning most sex toys. But remember, sex toys are made of many materials (including rubber, latex, silicone, leather, and glass), and some are not waterproof. It is important to consult the directions on your product before cleaning. There are also cleaning solutions available specifically for adult toys.
Remove batteries from toys when cleaning or storing. Between use, toys should be wrapped separately in clean cloths.
For more about TOYS: The Big Book of Sex Toys: From Vibrators and Dildos to Swings and Slings–Playful and Kinky Bedside Accessories That Make Your Sex Life Amazing . You can get at Amazon by clicking here!
If fisting is something you wanna get your hands on (or should we say in) there’s a lot to know; Assholes are naturally tight, and fisting can cause more serious tears in the rectum than most sexual activities. Fisting requires skill, time, and patience. But when it’s done right, fisting can create one of the most intense connections (literally and figuratively) between partners.
- Nitrite gloves are the best for fisting. If fisting multiple partners, change gloves each time you change holes.
- Lube, lube, and MORE FUNKIN’ LUBE!!! The asshole and the glove both need to be well lubricated. If wearing latex gloves, make sure to use water-based lubes that will not erode latex. But if you are wearing nitrite gloves you have a lot more options!
- If you are planning to get fisted, relaxation through meditation and practice (without the aid of drugs) is an ideal way to prepare the rectum to receive a fist.
Do not attempt to give or receive an entire fist immediately. Work up to the fisting by using your tongue, fingers, toys…even the head of your dick (covered with a condom, of course) to spread and massage the rectal cavity and get it ready for your fists!
- Pace yourself, and work with your partner to coordinate the movement of the fist into (and in) the rectal cavity).
- Don’t fist if your fingernails are long and/or jagged because they can damage the glove as well as the bottom’s rectum. Make sure fingernails are cut short and filed evenly.
- Do not use a bare hand with an open wound or hangnail(s).
- When pulling out (as with condoms), make sure to grab the open end of the glove so that it doesn’t slip off.
Wax play takes on a ceremonial feel when incorporated in a scene, and is an incredibly sensual “add on” to any sexual experience. Techniques for wax play include dripping, pouring and application…which way to go may be determined by preference, expertise, and the sensation you want to give or receive. Just remember that advanced methods of wax play take serious skills…so don’t rush!
- Know about your candles and how hot they burn. Cheap, white paraffin or votive candles are the beginner’s friend. Beeswax candles melt at a higher temperature, so the wax is much hotter on the skin. There are certain considerations when using colors, so if you plan to create a Romare Bearden on your partner’s back then do some follow-up research on colors and chemical dyes. You may also want to check out using a crock pot for more colorful creations.
- Check for allergies by applying a small amount of wax to a small patch of skin. If there is any redness or irritation do not use that type of wax. Another problem may be there may be an allergic reaction to dye, perfume or other additives.
- Test your candles to see how long they take to develop a pool of wax so you’ll know how far in advance you may need to light them.
- Your candles and/or crock pot should be on a level, stable surface…and place a drop cloth under your sub.
- Keep ice, cold towels and a bowl of water nearby. It is also good to have a fire extinguisher and first aid kit handy.
- Some fetish garments will melt or burn, sticking to the skin and causing serious burns. Anything with nylon, vinyl, PVC, patent leather, or other synthetic fabrics can be a problem.
- Oiling skin before waxing makes removal easier. Remember that some oils will conduct heat and prolong the extreme temperatures from the hot wax. Mineral oil is generally used to oil skin.
- Temperature can be varied based on the height from which you drip, drop, or pour the wax. Check temperature by dropping some on yourself, using the back of your hand and your inner forearm. Keeping the candle 18 inches from the skin is considered a safe distance.
Ice, ice scrappers, fingernails, and blunt knives can be used to remove wax…and add intensity to the scene. It can also be combed, spanked, or flogged off. Just remember that the skin under the wax may be very sensitive
For more information on Wax Play, Check out this book called “The Toybag Guide to Hot Wax and Temperature Play”
Here is another great site about Wax Play. Click here
Watersports (aka golden showers) is play involving urine. Even though some may have a strong reaction when they first hear the term, this is still a very popular activity among Bruthas.
- Piss is fine on the outside of the body, but if there are any cuts on the outside of the skin don’t urinate (piss) near the opening(s). And remember, a pimple is also a cut.
- Taking piss in your mouth is considered to be a low-risk activity for contracting HIV, but if you have an infected bladder there is a high risk of catching other STIs.
- Whatever you eat or drink will have an impact on your piss. Drinking lots of water or beer is recommended for diluting the color and flavor of the urine, and is recommended. Eating certain types of green vegetables (especially asparagus) can give your piss an off color, smell, and taste. But certain fruits (especially pineapples) can give it just the right flava!
- Showering/bathing with soap and warm water after watersports is highly recommended.
I’ve gotten lots of emails from followers/readers that I haven’t focused enough on Leather/BDSM information especially given my name – Raw Leather Daddy. LOL
So I’ll be staring a monthly feature where I will highlight a particular fetish! This month’s fetish is Bondage!
Simply put, bondage is tying, binding, or otherwise restricting a person. You can do this using rope, tape, cuffs, manacles, items of clothing, shackles, stocks, or any other material that restrains. There are different levels of bondage play, from mild to extreme. Some players like to build an entire scene around bondage activities, while others may just want to be blindfolded with their wrists tied behind their back when they get fucked…and there’s a whole lot in between!
- When using rope to tie someone up, simple cotton rope is best. It has give, and burns less than other forms of rope. Hiking cordage, burlap twine, and other forms of rope can damage the skin.
- If using rope, check for allergies by rubbing a small piece of your rope on a small patch of your partner’s skin, wait 30-60 minutes and if irritation is evident then use another fiber. If you choose to use any fiber other than cotton, make sure you are aware of that fiber’s affects on the skin.
- When using handcuffs or shackles make sure the keys are easily accessible.
- Do not bind or restrain your partner in a way that cuts off his circulation. A common practice is leaving room for at least one finger to slip between the skin of the person being bound and the bindings. Using cotton and other fabric padding between skin and binding is also recommended.
- Never tie a knot so tight that it does not allow some freedom of movement…loose knots will still restrain a person. If a knot becomes too tight, you may use needle nose pliers to loosen it.
- If you are restrained and your hands, feet or other limbs tingle or get numb, this usually means that the restraint is pressing on a nerve. Tell your partner to loosen the restraints slightly and/or reposition you until the tingling ends.
If your hands or feet become cold to the touch, your circulation is being cut off. Again, indicate to your partner that you need the bounding loosened or repositioned.
- Do not use rope around the neck or suspend your partner by his neck.
Never blindfold, gag, and bind your partner’s limbs at the same time. This does not allow him any way to indicate if something isn’t going right.
- If you are gagged, agree to use some form of nonverbal communication like snapping fingers or tapping your toes to the floor.
Never leave a person bound and unattended