In Memoriam – Dr. Maya Angelou

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An Open Letter to Black Same Gender Loving Men by David Malebranche

My heart is heavy.  My soul longs for relief.  Yesterday my dear friend, mentee and little brother, Warner McGee, transitioned after being taken off life support by his mother due to a protracted illness.  The details of exactly which illness robbed him of his future at this point is irrelevant – the painful reality we face is that yet another talented, intelligent brother has left this earth way too soon, leaving many of us scratching our heads in disbelief.  What happened?  Why him?  What more could I have done to prevent this tragedy from transpiring?  These questions hauntingly reverberate in my head like a vise, slowly squeezing it until I feel like it will explode.

 

Warner was young, gifted and black.  He overcame many early life adversities to graduate from Morehouse College with both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in public health.  He later went on to get his doctorate in public health from the University of North Carolina-Greensboro.  He was brilliant, hardworking and passionate about promoting the general, mental and sexual health of Black men.  He was a good friend and a bright spirit.  He was a little brother to me. And his story, sadly, is not unfamiliar to us.  In recent times, the story of a talented Black same gender loving man being “suddenly” struck down in their prime has become somewhat of a yearly ritual.  Word travels through telephone, email and social media.  Everyone is shocked, saddened and surprised.  And over time, as the details around the death of our brother unravel, we discover that his passing was not so “sudden” after all.  There was an underlying medical, mental, spiritual and/or psychological issue at the root of his journey.  And for some reason, until it was too late, no one knew about it but him.

 

For many of us navigating through this world as Black same gender loving men, it is not easy.  We have to worry about the inherent racism in general society that pegs us as ubiquitous threats and outsiders, regardless of what we wear or what level of education we have attained.  Simultaneously, we are seen as the purveyors of moral depravity in the larger Black community despite our historic and present contributions to our collective advancement.  We are seen as the hedonistic pedophiles who do nothing but dream of imaginative ways to corrupt youth; the outcasts who have turned our backs on anything spiritual simply because we respect and acknowledge our natural romantic desires; and of course, we are pegged as the main reason why Black women get HIV at higher rates than women of other races and ethnicities.  With all this placed on top of our backs every day in addition to our routine daily struggles, we foolishly spend the majority of our time trying to prove ourselves to our non-Black and/or heterosexual contemporaries.  We want them to view us as trustworthy so passionately that we overcompensate with extraordinary creative and work achievements, acquire prestigious work titles and accumulate as many letters behind our names that a business card can possibly handle.

 

But in the process of responding to this intersectional oppression from being both Black and same gender loving in a society that does not care to feature either social identity, we lose something. We lose ourselves.  We stop caring about our needs and instead choose to prioritize the safety and health of others.  Over the past decade I have personally witnessed and heard of numerous Black same gender loving men who serve as healers and saviors in our community yet suffer in silence with their own health issues until succumbing to an untimely death.  It is unnecessary and I don’t think I can receive another phone call, email, or post on Facebook announcing the death of another Black same gender loving man.  I can’t go to another funeral and hear another eulogy that coats over the rich multifaceted nature of our lives to simply relegate them to “He was a good Christian and loved Jesus.”  I just can’t.

 

And I am not just referring to HIV, though I’m sure that is the health issue to cross most peoples’ minds when they think of Black same gender loving men.  Contrary to popular belief, we also have to deal with mental health issues, high blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis, and the myriad other maladies that afflict Black men.  For some reason, those of us who are the healers in our families, relationships and communities, when afflicted with an illness ourselves, choose to not follow the advice we give so many on a daily basis.  We deny the condition exists, fight tooth and nail to avoid medical care and refuse to embrace any homeopathic or medicinal remedies that can facilitate a healthy life.  Instead, put quite simply and bluntly, we choose death.

 

I am not saying that if we are dealing with a specific medical issue, we have to become the spokesperson for that topic.  This is not everyone’s calling.  In the midst of saving the world and trying to prove our worth to societies that may never fully embrace us, however, we must at least acknowledge our mortality.  We cannot always be the Supermen we think we are or so desperately want others to believe.  So if you find out you are HIV-positive, you certainly do not have to scream from the rooftops your revelation or become the poster child for HIV treatment or advocacy.  But tell some close friends and family that you trust, be conscientious about following up with medical providers, and take care of your body with whatever therapeutic options are available.  The same principle applies if we get diagnosed with high blood pressure, cancer, diabetes, depression, or any other medical condition.  It is no different. When people know exactly what you are dealing with day to day, things that happen will not be such a “surprise,” but something that makes sense and may facilitate quicker action to remedy the situation.

 

So why choose a slow protracted death?  Can we blame White Supremacy and society’s relentless attack on black male bodies and psyches?  Do we point the finger at the pervasive sexual prejudice against anyone not engaging in a “heteronormative lifestyle”?  Is it our churches’ fault for trying to brainwash us from a young age that we are damaged goods, or should our biological families assume more responsibility for more easily accepting a heterosexual sibling’s chosen drug problem over our natural romantic inclinations?  Is the CDC at fault for ignoring us for years until they couldn’t sweep the statistics under the rug any longer?  Or is it our own fault for not taking the time to check on each other when we know that something is wrong?  The truth, undoubtedly, is that the intersection of all these factors may contribute to this choice.

 

Part of the reason why we allow this benign neglect to consume us to the grave, however, is that after years of hearing what we aren’t worth from various sources in our lives, we actually start believing that our lives are expendable – despite ample evidence to the contrary.  We are the ones who serve as the rocks of the family.  We are the loving dependable uncles to our precious nieces and nephews.  We are the sons who pay attention and devote the most time to our aging parents, while our heterosexual siblings complain about being too “busy” with their marriage and kids – as if our lives are devoid of any commitments, responsibilities or obligations outside of ourselves.  We are the educators, the lawyers, the public servants, the health care employees, the customer service personnel, the ministers and ministers of music who selflessly devote our lives to our communities every day, while all the while listening to the whispers of disapproval of our born sexuality penetrate the tender flesh of our backs like so many steely knives.  After a while, despite these facts, we still believe we are unworthy of love and life.

 

The solution to this dynamic is clear – we need to be there for each other and stop waiting for a church, the CDC, our local congressperson, or President Obama himself to save us.  It is often said that as Black same gender loving men, we get to choose our non-biological families, especially when we encounter challenges with our biological families.  If that is the case, we must realize that as with any family, things will not always be perfect.  We cherish the moments where we can travel together, go clubbing, or to house parties together, and provide unwavering support to each other through school, work, and relationship difficulties. And there may be times when we may betray each other, say mean spirited things we don’t really mean, and even get on each other’s nerves and have knockdown, drag out arguments for the ages.  But this is the case with every family, biologic and non-biologic.  So since we have chosen each other, we must honor ourselves and our chosen family through thick and thin, through good times and bad times, through sickness and health.  And yes, ‘til death do us part.

 

So wherever you are, whatever you are doing in the course of your busy day that may involve interacting with another Black same gender loving man, look into his eyes and gaze into his soul.  See yourself in him. Whether he is a friend, lover or family member – look through the perfectly faded hair, the letters behind his name, the designer clothes, the impeccable payment record of his rent or mortgage or whatever kind of car from which he emerges to greet you.  Look past any troubles he has paying bills, quirks in personality or annoying habits.  Look through him and simply take a moment to ask him if he is ok.  And if he gives you a dismissive answer like “I’m fine,” ask him again, and with the side-eye you usually reserve for giving shade, let him you know are serious.  Then stand back and be prepared for a more elaborate and real answer than you could have ever anticipated.  And when you are finished listening to him, wrap him in your arms and tell him that you love him.  It may be the last time you get the opportunity to do so, and it may be one of the few times he will hear those three words and know that it is coming from someone who truly understands him.  And maybe, just maybe, he will come to realize that he has another choice.

“Pillow Talk” with Daemon Sadi


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Daemon Sadi might be a new face to some of you who love porn but he has actually been doing it awhile. Having working with several porn companies the last few years, he has been more active over the last year or so with Breed Me Raw/Raw Joxxx. I’ve known him for awhile from our involvement in the Leather/BDSM Community and I knew how freaky he was. LOL. So his transition to doing porn was pretty much a given. I had the opportunity to have a good interview with him talking about a range of topics and also seeing who Daemon Sadi is behind the screen. I do hope you enjoy the interview!!!

 

  1. Tell us about yourself. Where are you from? How old are you? What was your childhood like? Etc.
    • I’m originally from Wilmington, NC where I was born and raised.  I went to college for two years, then joined the USMC but only stayed in for two years and six months because I decided to come out of the closet (back then Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell was still in effect).  After I left the military I stayed in NC for a year then moved to NYC in 2004 where I lived for seven years.  In 2010, I meet a great guy; we dated for a year before I moved to FL to live with him which is where I’m at now.
  2. Your porn name is very unique. How did you get your porn name “Daemon Sadi”?
    • Thank you, I got my porn name from one of my favorite books in the world written by Anne Bishop.  The title of the book series is called the “Black Jewels Trilogy”.  One of the main characters is this guy named Daemon Sadi and he’s supposed to be this tall, dark, sexy, seductive, mysterious character with these dark powers.  I dreamed that I was like him so when I started to do porn, I figured that he would be my perfect alter ego.
  3. You’re relatively a newbie to the gay porn business.  I believe you started out with Forbidden Funk/Black Breeders.  From there, you have worked with Thug Mania, ThreshHold Media and now recently with Raw Joxxx/Breed Me Raw.  How has your experiences been in the porn business so far? Anything you were surprised to see? (The good? The bad? The ugly?)
    • You’re right that I’m very new to the porn industry.  I got involved mainly because I wanted to have fun, and to leave somewhat of a legacy behind once I’m dead and gone.  Well, since I don’t plan to be in politics or become a real actor/movie star, doing porn was my next choice.  Besides, I love having sex so why not do it on camera.  As far as my experiences thus far in the business, I would say that I’ve had a good run so far.  I’ve worked with good guys who I was sexually attracted to and was able to develop some type of chemistry with while filming.  Also, I’ve worked with good producers that paid well for the films.  I’ve realized that not everyone pays the same, but it all depends on how big the company is.  However, I really not doing this to become rich and famous, just doing it to have fun and enjoy myself with some other hot, sexy guys.
  4. With you becoming more known in gay porn, I’m curious to know if any of your family knows you are in the porn business. If so, what are their thoughts?
    • Honestly, I have no idea if my family knows that I’m in porn and really don’t care if they do.  It’s my life & I live it the way that I see fit.
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  5. Some people can have a one-dimensional view of men who do porn. What would you say are some of the misconceptions people have about you?
    • Not sure what misconceptions that people would have about me.  However, if people wanted me to tell them the kind of guy that I am is that I’m a melting pot of personalities all mixed into one.  I’m out going, fun, crazy, weird, silly, and extroverted.  It all depends on who I’m with and where I’m at.
  6. If given the opportunity, would you be open to work with other mainstream companies (i.e. Lucas Entertainment, Raging Stallion/Falcon, etc.)?
    • Yes, I’d love to work with other mainstream companies if given the chance.  I don’t think that I will do because this is mainly just something I do for fun and not trying to make a career out of it like some other hard core porn stars.
  7. We have talked in the past about me launching a company, MEN Entertainment, which will put a positive, mature and fresh face of Men of Color in porn!  The purpose is to combat the lingering negative stereotypes (i.e. thug) of Men of Color perpetuated by both whites and black/latinos porn companies.  What is your take on this?
    • Well considering since I’m far from being a “thug” (I’m more of a nerd if you really wanted to know) so I think that having a company that changes the way men of color is viewed in porn is a good idea.  Also, I’d love to be part of this change as well.
    • Daemon-Sadi-4
  8. From your experiences in the industry thus far, what are some things you would like to see change within the porn industry?
    • Well I’d like to see more men of color being filmed in more mainstream porn companies.
  9. Since your introduction into porn, all but one of your scenes has been bareback/raw!  Is this by choice or would be open to do safe scenes if the opportunity presented itself?
    • To be honest, I really prefer raw sex especially since I’m HIV +, but I’m not against playing safe.  I just prefer to be up front and honest about my status and let who ever I’m playing with decided for them-selves if we play safe or raw. 
  10. There is an on-going big debate on whether or not people viewing Bareback/Raw porn promotes “unsafe” sexual practices. Some conclude that viewers watching this type of porn have caused the rise in HIV infections in the gay/bisexual community especially within the Black/Latino community. What are your thoughts on this?
    • Look, we’re all adults here and we can make decisions for ourselves when it comes to health and how we choose to live our lives.  Just because we watch people have “unsafe” sex doesn’t mean we will go out there and do it ourselves.  In this day and age, we all know the health risks involved in playing unsafe.  If we play unsafe then that’s a decision that we make for ourselves and we live with the consequences of that decision.  It’s not because we watched some hot guys fuck that way.
  11. During your porn career, you have worked with some sexy men. Which porn stars have you really enjoy working with thus far?
    • Lex Antoine, Santiago Rodriguez, Tyler Reed
  12. I think if we are honest with ourselves, we all have a type of guy that turns us on sexually. For you to give the best in a video, and in general, what type of guy(s) are you sexually attracted to?
    • Guys who are shape, have a great personality (someone I can feel comfortable with offset), likes to kiss, and enjoys sex as much as I do.  It also helps when the person is able to just go with the flow and not try to force the sex.
  13. Which porn stars would you love the opportunity to work with?
    • Angel Rock, Jimmy Durano, Marc Dylan, Topher DiMaggio, Race Cooper, Austin Wilde, Sean Zevran, Chris Gabriel, Juan Steel, Lawson Kane, Marcus Ruhl, and Vito Gallo (I think I can go on for days) LOL! LOL!
  14. What I find sexy about you is that not only do you exude a natural masculinity, but you also showcase great versatility in your scenes. When not on film, are you equally versatile, or lean more towards the top or bottom?
    • Total versatile here.  Was blessed with a nice dick and a big bubble but (so I’ve heard), so might as well use what I was given.
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  15. With your film work, you have done only 1-1 scenes. Would you be open to do 3some/Group sex on film? How about in your private life, do you prefer 1-1? 3somes/Groups?
    • I’m open to 3somes, and group sex both off and on film.
  16. Do you prefer to fuck a guy with a smooth or hairy ass? When being fucked, do you prefer a guy’s dick to be long or thick or both?
    • If I’m going to eat a guy’s ass out, I’d prefer it to be smooth, however if I’m just fucking it, then it doesn’t matter either way.  As far as a guy’s dick I’d prefer one that is a little of both considering I have a big ass and you got to have enough meat to get pass my cheeks.
  17. Many of your fans might not know you’re involved in the Leather community. And also a former Leather titleholder (i.e. Leather Man of Color 2010). How were you introduced into the community? What interests you about the culture? What fetishes are you into?
    • I had sex with a guy who wanted to tie me up and that after that encounter I realized how much I loved bondage.  I decided that I wanted to learn more about the leather/fetish scene so I joined ONYX NY to discover what else I liked.  I soon discovered that I wanted to be a boy and had the desire to server someone, but that hasn’t worked out for me as of yet.  Anyway, I also learned that I loved to be spanked, wearing leather, military uniforms, sports gear, and just having a good time.
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  18. So far in your porn career, you have done some film work involving fetish play (mainly dildo play) with BlackBreeders.com and Threshold Media.  What other fetishes would you be open to do on film?
    • BONDAGE & SPANKING!!!!
  19. I’m sure some of my readers would love to know your relationship status.  Is Daemon single and looking? Or is he “Boo’d” up? LOL!
    • I’m taken but in an open relationship
  20. If you are in a relationship, has your work in the adult industry been a problem when you initially started dating? (answer only if you are currently in relationship)
    • Well it really wasn’t a problem when we first started dating because I really wasn’t doing any filming.  I know my partner isn’t total happy with it all but he loves me and he knows that I love him more than life itself.
  21. Porn careers are usually short lived. How long do you see yourself being in the adult industry? What are your plans upon retiring from the industry?
    • Maybe for another year or two.  I have a career outside of the industry so I’ll just focus on that.
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  22. During your spare time, what are some of Daemon hobbies/interests?
    • I’m a total nerd and book worm.  I love playing video games (I have two PS3s, an Xbox, and WiiU & and I can’t wait till the PS 4 comes out later this year).  I also have tons of books that I love to read.  Mainly like reading fantasy novels or gay paranormal romance books on my kindle.  I’m also going to school for Information Technology so I’m studying as well.
  23. What is something your fans might be shocked to know about you!
    • I’m a dancing fool and I can’t sing to save my life.
  24. If there is anything you could change about yourself, what would it be and why?
    • There’s nothing I would change.  It’s taken me a long time to love myself for whom & what I am (which includes the good & the bad).  So in the famous words of RuPaul: “If you can’t love yourself, then how can you love someone else.”
  25. Just recently the U.S. Supreme Court has upheld the lower courts decision on Same Sex Marriage in California. It’s now legal in 13 states and DC. What are your views on Same Sex Marriage? Do you see yourself marrying your boyfriend?
    • Love is love & we should all have the right to marry who we love.  Yes one day I see myself getting married to my boyfriend.
  26. Here are Daddy Rod’s list of “Quickee” questions I ask each interviewee.
  • Name 5 of your favorite music artists/or actors
    • Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, Roybn, Cher, & Whitney Houston
    • Bettie White, Forrest Whittaker, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Hudson, Halle Berry
  • What’s your favorite color?
    • Blue
  • What’s your favorite movie?
    • Dream Girls
  • What’s your favorite song?
    • 4 Page Letter by Aaliyah
  • What’s your favorite curse word?
    • Fuck
  • What do you fear the most?
    • Horror Movies
  • Boxers or Briefs or No Underwear
    • NO UNDERWEAR
  • What’s your favorite lube?
    • Gun Oil
  • New York or Florida?
    • Love them both: NY has the night life, while FL has the perfect weather
  • If you could meet any celebrity, dead or alive, who would it be and why?
    • Hugh Jackman
  • If you can be anywhere (i.e. islands, city, etc), where would it be and why?
    • Amsterdam because it has a huge leather scene
  1. Is there anything you would like to say to your fans? Do you have a website, blog or Twitter where your fans can reach you?
    • Thank you for watching me and being my fan.  I hope you enjoyed my films and I’m glad I could add to your sexual fantasies.  I’m sorry that I don’t a website, blog or Twitter at the moment but who knows, that may change some time in the future.

Thanks so much for taking time out to talk with me. Peace and Blessings to you!!!

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Bayard Rustin to be Awarded Presidential Medal of Freedom

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President Barack Obama has posthumously named Bayard Rustin as one of sixteen recipients (along with Oprah, Sally Ride, and others) of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, “the Nation’s highest civilian honor, presented to individuals who have made especially meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States.”

For those who don’t know Bayard Rustin, he is probably THE person who organized the historic March on Washington back in 1963. He was the right hand man of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. during the civil rights movement. And as the country celebrates the 50th anniversary of this great event, it’s great to see President Obama acknowledge this man efforts!

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You can read more about Bayard and get the acclaimed documentary on his life on this website – http://rustin.org/

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NBA center Jason Collins comes out!!!

Sports History happened today! NBA Center, Jason Collins, with the Washington Wizards has come out. He has an eloquent piece in Sports Illustrated which hits stands in May. You can read his coming out by clicking here!

I totally have mad respect for him. He came out on his own terms and not thru scandal (i.e. Kerri Rhodes and Kwame Harris).